When I was three, I was at a pool party with my grandparents. It was a wonderful night; there were all kinds of people and, incredibly, they noticed me and made me feel special. There was a magic show, and I remember having a front-row seat with my grandparents. The Magician picked me to participate in his act, and when I was about to approach him, my grandmother pulled me back. Her action was imperceptible to everyone but me. No one understood why I did not go forward; I was confused and did not know what to do. All I knew was that my grandmother’s action led me to believe that I should not participate. The magician chose a half-dozen other kids; I watched as they received prizes, toy balloons and had the best time I had ever seen kids have. That disappointment set so deep inside of me.
Throughout my life there were so many times that I hesitated and was passed over. Every time that feeling of disappointment and sadness seethed inside of me. There were times, however, that I was able to bypass that programming and act. The swim instructor challenged me to jump from the 12-foot diving board into the deep end of the olympic-size pool. The only hesitation there was, was me telling myself to go for it. It took years for me to become comfortable acting without hesitation. My first impulse is still to stop and wait before I do anything or make any decision. I have to consciously keep myself present and ready to act.
One day, I want to be able to respond to the situation or request without hesitation and without doubt. I work to stop beating myself up about that flaw. Instead, I try to approach this condition of hesitation another way--turn every experience into an adventure. I challenge myself daily to live fully, boldly and without fear. The world has become my amusement park. There is a thrill waiting around every corner and every situation as long as I live up to the challenge of no hesitation.
Good job. I totally agree & I was the same way. But 2016 is the perfect year to shine & let go of caring what other people think. ����
ReplyDeleteSometimes, I wish I would have had someone to push me to do things instead of them putting fear in me. I was always a protected child. Everything was done for me as if I had a disability. Even thought I still expect that from time to time, I am not that person to my children. My mother tells me "Vicky watch that child she might fall". My response , Oh well she will learn and not do that again. (as long as I see it not harmful). Because I was held back I will not do the same to my children. I push them to be bold and try to teach them to not be scared. I always tell them how will your learn if you do not make mistakes and how will you make mistakes if you do not try.I was shy growing up and even now scared to speak to people. Not my children I will not accept that. My oldest son is always saying how he will not go to college that he is scared and not smart enough. I tell him how he needs to go and see for himself and then he decides. In all honesty that is how I felt just like him. I did tell him but he will not learn from my mistakes he needs to make his own. I can only share my story with him and hope he takes it in consideration to not waste all his years and go back 20 years later like I did.
ReplyDelete