ESCAPE THE BOX

Mental liberation is essential to the evolution of the human species.  The beauty of what we are lies in our ability to create with the power of our minds. It seems there are a small number of individuals who are threatened by a world filled with free-willed people.  So, we are corralled into social media platforms, force-fed lifestyle templates, and programmed to believe we have to live by the rules dictated in society.

Corporations, governments, and religious institutions have created a science out of orchestrating our every movement.  So many people are caught up in the daily grind, trying to survive.  They are blown by the winds and whims of popular opinion, broadcast news, and social media.  A group of my favorite poets called the Watts Prophets recorded a poem years ago titled “Keepin You Doing Things” (https://youtu.be/LmCX80CaCvM).

There are so many environmental pollutants and distractions. If you live in any major city, there is constant noise all around you, all of the time.  Even if you have a get away in the backyard or go to a local park, there is still energy popping off of the electricity lines or cell towers bouncing signals through airways. You could be deaf and still have to encounter the visual assault of billboards and advertisements that are everywhere.  How much stimulation can our human brains take before overload?  I think most of us simply shut down after becoming desensitized to it.  Just because we shut down doesn’t mean the information is shut out.  Our brains are still taking in and processing everything in our environment all the time.

The key is programming your mind, being conscious as often as you can of your environment and what is going on.  Most importantly, downloading all that information by sitting down somewhere in silence.  Yes, I do mean meditate.  There are several methods of meditation, but to reboot your brain you would want to sit in silent meditation for as long as you can. You will surprised at the thoughts and ideas and information that you will observe as you let your mind purge itself of all the junk. It might even be a little scary, but once you let it go, you see how much more clear you will think. You will be able to discern your feelings and thoughts from the millions of ideas floating around in your environment.

Whenever you watch television or a video, you are surrendering your mind to someone else.  Whenever you speak about someone, whether you like them or not, you give them dominion in your world.  Reading is the one activity that you can perform and have full control over what you take in. It’s hard to read something and not judge it. The only people who do not evaluate what they read are people who are programmed to follow and accept what they read as the ultimate truth beyond common sense or logic.

I want to live in a universe inhabited by mentally liberated beings.  People who have mastery over their emotions and reactions are thinking people.  They can tell the difference between their personal issues and the emotional limitations of others.  Mental liberation also looks like critical thinking and always asking why. There is always a reason and a motive for television programming, news items of the day, social media trends and such. We all need to keep our minds on what we can do to realize our potential. No one person is going to be everything or know everything. That’s absurd. As humanity, we have to support each other in becoming our best individual and collective selves. We can no longer afford to invest time or mental energy (conscious or unconscious) into people and ideas that do not serve us as a species.

NORMAL. WHAT’S THAT?

Normal is not being the same.  Normal is not making everyone else feel unthreatened around you.  Normal is not withholding the truth in a room full of lies.  Normal is your individual state of balance and peace.  It is being who you were born to be--perfect and whole.

I have experienced the pressure to be normal.  Children and adults alike in my life have urged me not to be me but to align my actions with the actions of others.  If I were putting myself or others in danger that would make sense, but my words and actions were simply different and disruptive to the deafening silence of normality.

The desire to be normal may be a result of not wanting to stand out, the desire to fit in, or the need to feel included.  Human behavior and healthy emotional development dictates that we socialize with others.  The need to be loved and accepted cannot take priority over accepting and loving oneself.  But that is hard to do if parents or family members make it their business to normalize creative spirits before these unique beings have a chance to blossom.

Sometimes we are born into families and communities that do not welcome individuals who stand out and shine brighter than the rest.  It’s funny how people love exceptional humans who make it in the world, but will often be guilty of tearing down the ones in their very own families.  What we sometimes forget is that normal is not special.  Normal does not change the world.  If we want to evolve, we have to allow the weird ones to be weird.  The more we love them, the more they flourish and create.

If the weird ones survive childhood and adolescence, they should fiercely defend their weirdness and not be sidetracked by pleasing normal people.  Some people are uncomfortable when confronted with anything different and will defend the banality of their existence instead of embracing growth and change.  That is their problem and their plight which the weird ones should not have to suffer under.

Every human being should be free to be the unique presence he or she was born as. Being what feels good is all the normal a person should need to be. I encourage the unique ones to remain focused when criticized and recognize that the critics are simply voicing their discomfort at not feeling free to be themselves.

The only acceptance anyone need is that of self.

EARTH'S GREATEST NATURAL RESOURCE: OUR MINDS & ATTENTION

    

     Lately I have found myself frequently reminding my students and my son that each person is wealthy beyond measure, yet everyday that wealth is squandered and surrendered to other sources. Ever stop to think about what life would be like if you spent your time on you instead of other things and other people?

     As innocuous an activity as watching television is, many people are devoted to their favorite programs. Yet, do you stop and think about what those programs do for you?  Does the programming improve the quality of your life?  Does the program contribute to your financial or physical well-being?  Of course, we all need to decompress and relax sometime.  So many people ask, what is the harm in watching television after a long day of work or school?  Nothing is wrong if you do not mind letting down your subconscious guard and allowing your mind to be invaded by ideas and messages that are sent through the airwaves to inspire you to part with your money and time.  When you watch television or a movie you are empowering someone else's vision.

     There are people who are very disciplined in financial matters.  Their needs and wants are closely monitored, yet copious amounts of time will be spent taking in tales of vampires, fighting housewives, and promiscuous drones prowling the country in search of the next orgasm.  I hope more people begin to ask why are we driven to distraction to such a degree?  There was a time when television signed off. We were given a break to contemplate the silence and be with ourselves.  That is no longer the policy.  Every second of every minute, of every day is programmed for any willing person.  How much time do we spend on our personal visions?  How much time does the average person spend creating for himself/herself?  There was a time I used to cover the television with beautiful African textiles and I have refused to purchase cable or satellite service since 1992.  I love thinking and creating my own entertainment.  I don't like sitting idle in front of a screen.  If I'm in front of a screen, I'm writing.

     I am aware that some people want to escape their lives.  They would prefer to experience life through someone else’s lenses.  That is a choice we all have, but I challenge that the lives we are given are so precious and sweet.  Giving them up to and casting pearls before swine is such an ungrateful way to exist.  The least we can do when we get up everyday is make an effort to find a our purposes, fulfill our purposes and leave a divine template for our children to follow or recreate.

     When I hear people complain about their lives, I can't help but think to myself that had they simply sat down and planned, they would not have to react.  It can’t be fun living in constant survival mode, going from one near catastrophe to another. However, if the majority of your life consists of getting to the nearest television as soon as possible, there is little time for anything else.  Lately, I have heard people say “stay ready,” but how can anyone stay ready when they are always in front of a television?

      The best times in my life have been sitting in a circle of friends talking about our visions, laughing and appreciating the vibe.  I need more people in my life to enjoy that too.  I cannot sit through another conversation about a celebrity’s outfit or which housewife snatched another one’s weave out.  My spirit is exhausted.  Wake me when the television goes off.

Problem? What Problem?

     The wonderful thing about aging is the discovery that there are infinite opportunities to learn and grow.  My latest epiphany was the realization that the only problems that exist are the problems I perceive in my mind.  I was going to an event and I knew that I was going to see an individual there. In my mind, I created an entire scenario and became agitated at the thought of attending the event. Luckily, I stopped myself before I went in and I determined to keep an open mind. Once inside the event, I inevitably ran into the person I dreaded seeing, and that person was who he always is. The difference was that I chose not to accept it as a problem. It did not affect me because I did not allow it to. As simple as that.

     Have you ever tried to disappoint yourself before anybody else could? Sure you have. Whenever you predict that someone will turn you down or reject you, you just did it for yourself before anybody else could.  People who are used to disappointment often hurt themselves before others can or they prepare themselves for disappointment before encounters to alleviate the hurt they believe they will experience.  I became aware of this and the affect of this self-sabotaging habit on my relationships.  I have to be aware of my thoughts and stop myself when I begin to prepare for imagined disappointment.

     To overcome this habit, I also have to re-live unpleasant memories of the times I have been profoundly hurt and disappointed. I remember and observe the child I was and understand the incident as an adult. I work through it for as long and as many times as I have to so that the pain is appropriately placed, in the past. When I was a toddler, I remember how my mom would get dressed to go out. It was so exciting to see her look so glamorous, but that heart-wrenching feeling of sadness as she walked out the door broke my heart. I always felt left behind and rejected. All my life I carried the dread of people leaving me behind. I began leaving people before they could leave me. I would go to events and leave early every time. When I go to church, I leave early. Friends never have to tell me to leave because I am out before we even get comfortable. I am so good at leaving relationships that I call myself an escape artist. Not funny at all.

     How do I change this habit? How do I release myself from this prison? I train my mind to see solutions, not problems. I approach life as if every situation will work out in my favor...even after someone says no...even after it does not have the result I imagined. What I have come to appreciate is that when a situation appears one way, it is actually unfolding beyond my control to result in a greater blessing and a divine circumstance than I could have ever created on my own.

     We experience disappointment and hurt feelings when we hold on to our thoughts of how things should be.  We cannot get stuck on the way we think it should be; we have to let go and work with the way things are. If the way things are does not serve us, we do not have to entertain it.  We do not have to accept another person's negativity.  All we can do is acknowledge the issue and focus on solutions. That is the key. The current state of being may not be our ideal but the only way out is to keep our minds focused and engaged in the answer to the issue. It is not a problem until our minds identify the experience as such.

THE VISION

 

The social climate in the US is scorching. People are rightfully passionate, and even angry. Some of us have taken to the streets, while others are putting their minds together on social media and in meeting rooms to strategize the next steps in the struggle.  The important discussion to have with ourselves and with each other is, if what is happening in our society is what I do not want, then what do I want to see in its place?

We get so caught up reacting to what it is that we do not want, that we give little or no energy to thinking about what it is we really want to experience.  If we do not do the work of planning to successfully change injustice with what we need, then we should expect very little to no change.  Besides, investing precious energy and time in solutions is much more productive than complaining or becoming a victim.

Can we allow ourselves to see the reality we want and free ourselves from the paralyzing images played out on the television? Some people find it difficult to entertain the thoughts and mental images they truly desire; they even resist.  We are so comfortable saying what we do not want or do not like, but sometimes articulating what we want or receiving what we want can be challenging.  When we see situations that we do not like or experience feelings that make us feel uncomfortable, our first reaction has to be to immediately hold the image in our minds of what it is we want.

The vision I have is:

• a world where ALL people are treated with respect and dignity
• a world where EVERY child grows up feeling loved and protected
• a world where women and elders are valued
• a world where the greatest conflict we witness are people’s personal struggles to free themselves of  mental and spiritual bondage

I don’t want to use the word daydream, but I encourage the imagining and the visioning that allows our minds to create what may not be in front of us.  We cannot afford to remain locked in the nightmare created by megalomaniacs who program us through broadcast television and cable/satellite shows.  The world’s greatest natural resource is our minds.  No one person can lead us to the promised land.  We individually and collectively have to have a vision that begins when we hold the thought and image in our minds.

I believe in you.  I believe in the infinite potential of the majority of people in this world who desire peace.



FORGIVENESS

I took some time off, not from the vision, but the blog.  At first I beat myself up about it.  Then I realized that, although I deserved it, being hyper critical of myself in the situation was not going to illicit the kind of results I need right now.   The break was a necessary part of the process.  I struggle with the discipline of consistency. I forgive myself and move on, vowing to not repeat the cycle.

 

 

Some perceived setbacks are necessary incubating periods. Even to me that sounds like a crock of fooey.  As disappointing as it is to lose momentum and be inconsistent, there is only so much time I can spend beating myself up about it before I have to decide to move forward.  In the process, I chose to love myself through the experience.

 

 

With a military dad and a mother who had a military dad, the consequences of not meeting standards always involved a certain amount of yelling and punitive actions.  Throughout my adult life, I have played and replayed those admonishing voices in my head.  No one has ever been more critical of me than myself thanks to mom and dad.  However, I appreciate the distance it has brought me in life, but I recognize that this inner process is outmoded and needs to be adjusted.

 

That eight year-old in me, the one that works so hard to do things right and please those around me, needs to be motivated differently.  When I do not meet my expectations, I will encourage myself to stand up straight and try again.  I will smile at that little girl who bows her head in disappointment of failure and engulf her in love and acceptance.  Finally, what I have learned is that perfect execution is not necessarily the goal, it is the effort and the intention of NEVER bowing to defeat which is the ultimate achievement. Winning, being first, having success the way others experience it may not be my process.  I will keep trying in the way that I know how.  I am sure I will eventually make it to the model of success that is tailor-made for me.  I thought it would happen sooner in my life, yet I get the feeling that I am learning so much more from this journey that I have chosen.  My mantra is “As long as I’m living, I’m going to keep working toward the vision.”

I forgive myself for not working harder, for lying down in defeat, for feeling sorry for myself and for being lazy.  I do not excuse it. I recognize it and choose this moment to do something about it.  And so it is.

BE BOLD LIVE LIFE

 

     When I was three,  I was at a pool party with my grandparents.  It was a wonderful night; there were all kinds of people and, incredibly, they noticed me and made me feel special.  There was a magic show, and I remember having a front-row seat with my grandparents.  The Magician picked me to participate in his act, and when I was about to approach him, my grandmother pulled me back.  Her action was imperceptible to everyone but me.  No one understood why I did not go forward; I was confused and did not know what to do.  All I knew was that my grandmother’s action led me to believe that I should not participate.  The magician chose a half-dozen other kids; I watched as they received prizes, toy balloons and had the best time I had ever seen kids have.  That disappointment set so deep inside of me.

 

    Throughout my life there were so many times that I hesitated and was passed over.  Every time that feeling of disappointment and sadness seethed inside of me.  There were times, however, that I was able to bypass that programming and act.  The swim instructor challenged me to jump from the 12-foot diving board into the deep end of the olympic-size pool.  The only hesitation there was, was me telling myself to go for it.  It took years for me to become comfortable acting without hesitation.  My first impulse is still to stop and wait before I do anything or make any decision.  I have to consciously keep myself present and ready to act.

 

    One day, I want to be able to respond to the situation or request without hesitation and without doubt.  I work to stop beating myself up about that flaw.  Instead, I try to approach this condition of hesitation another way--turn every experience into an adventure.  I challenge myself daily to live fully, boldly and without fear.  The world has become my amusement park.  There is a thrill waiting around every corner and every situation as long as I live up to the challenge of no hesitation.

 

 

HEALING: YOU CAN’T GET TO THE MOUNTAIN-TOP WITHOUT GOING TO THE VALLEY

 

 

     This past week presented me the opportunity to share in the transformational experiences of sisters in my community.  It has been in the forefront of my consciousness that there are numbers of people who are hurting, yet our society encourages us to present our strong and happy fronts at all times.  Even the articles in this blog focus primarily on staying connected with the power within us.  Truth be told, we never know the true power until we allow ourselves to be weak.

     I am glad and proud that these women were brave enough to be vulnerable, to bare their souls so that they may begin to heal.  Everyone has a story and a struggle.  Not to diminish anyone’s experience, but no matter how rich, poor, aesthetically ideal or not, the challenges we face are relative to our threshold for growth and the accompanying discomfort.

     Before I became a fierce warrior woman, I routinely fought depression.  My childhood left scars that I did not know how to begin to heal for the longest.  By sheer will fueled with anger, I managed to accomplish far more than anyone thought I could.  When the anger no longer became useful, I participated in psychological counseling.

     Thankfully, my mother was available to facilitate my healing.  On several occasions, she would help me remember the details of my childhood that I had blocked out.  She was there to apologize and make me look at the rage eye to eye.  My dad too has been open and useful in walking with me down that emotional path I reluctantly go.  I realize that everyone does not get blessed with parents who make themselves available to that healing process and atone for the contributions they make.

     What I have learned is that healing begins with forgiveness.  It did not take me long to realize that I am forgiving myself for holding on to people, thoughts, and emotions that do not serve me.  No matter how wrong my parents were, they were entirely at liberty to extend to me an apology, or not.  I was freed from a mental prison when I released them.  I came to the understanding that they did the best they could under the circumstances.  They were growing up too and made quite a few mistakes, but their intentions were honorable.  From that experience, I become a stronger more resilient young woman.   

     Consider for a moment, before this modern era and industrialization, people relied on healers, ritual, and family to heal their feelings or emotions.  There was far more touching in the form of laying on of hands, hugging, holding hands and such.  People did rituals that brought together the unseen to influence the seen world in a way that made sense to them.  More often than not, there was always someone around: family members in multigenerational households, friends and community.  This new world made us fiercely independent and often alienated from ourselves.  These days we rely on psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, and life coaches to connect us to the answers that lie within us.  Interestingly enough, our modern support systems all come at a monetary cost.  Few people trust their families or friends.  The courts are filled with families who fight bitterly.

     My heart goes out to those individuals who find themselves locked into a personal hell of their past.  From my vantage point all they have to do is let go.  I let go and stopped regretting a past I did not have control over.  I let go of feelings about situations that I could not logically take responsibility for.  I let go of thoughts, reactions, and emotions that did not match my current living situation.  It is easier said than done.  It takes practice, it takes bravery and it takes strength.

     Guess what?  Many people have had truly traumatic experiences and have found a way to grow and excel beyond the expectations of the people and environments who limited them.  I used to think about the ancestors whose lives were not their own, who suffered at the whims of people who tried to rob them of their humanity.  I think of the ways they triumphed despite the daily attack on their spirit and psyche that told them they were nothing and would remain nothing.  Those ancestors somehow reared generations of people who became leaders, innovators, visionaries and catalysts of change around the world.

     I figured, if Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglass had the spirit to overcome physical and mental obstacles, I could accomplish some of the same with more resources.   

BE YOUR OWN LIFE COACH

When the new year begins, I'm so excited about the goals I set and the possibilities I see in my mind's eye. During a good year, I don't hit the blahs until around May/June. This year caught me struggling to remain positive about the struggle as soon as February.

 

Resolution Revolution SNL Skit

Think about it. What is it that is really keeping us from accomplishing our goals? Short of someone physically preventing us from moving forward, there is NOTHING stopping us from doing what we want with our lives.

No money? Find a way to make it.

No resources? Ask someone or seek out the people who can point in the right direction.

No education? Go to the library.

No clue? Ask somebody.

No energy? Eat right.

Bad health? As long as there is life, there is another opportunity to share the thought so that something can be done with it.

I can go on, but I will not.

For every excuse there is a solution. At the end of the day, our thoughts and our feelings about our situation provide the obstacles. Please accept this: WE ARE WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE WE ALLOW OUR THOUGHTS OR OUR FEELINGS TO PUT US HERE. Consider this scenario: I woke up this morning and when I thought about all of the things I need to do and the the problems I have to address, I felt defeated. I was tired even before I got out of bed. I asked myself "what is the point?" My grandfather asked me what am I going to do, my checking account is close to $0 and none of the employers I reached out to have responded. All day I thought about it and tried to figure out what to do. I got on the phone and talked about it to my friend who was having similar challenges. By the time I put my son to bed, I was mentally and physically exhausted but had done very little.

The problem with the above scenario is that there was no mention of waking up with a sense of gratitude for having another opportunity to get it right, despite what might have happened the day before. I spent too much time focused on problems and not solutions. To my detriment, turned to someone who got down in my hole of self-pity with me instead of helping me out. Finally, there was far too much thinking and not enough action. Even if the only thing I did was meditate, that would have cleared my mind-space for more positive thought.

Quite often we shut ourselves out from the game before we even get into the arena. Imagine for a moment, we are standing on the corner down the street thinking about the problems, the visions, the goals and the obstacles. We haven't even arrived at the gate! Is it acceptable to dwell on the thoughts "I'm depressed," "I'm overwhelmed," "I can't do it"? No! I have learned how to coach myself. We have to coach ourselves.  I’m not talking about the nice life coach that costs a million dollars a session; I’m talking about the loud coach with the whistle and spittle.  Get in your own face.

I think to myself. If I am not physically impaired, if no one is holding me down, if I have the use of my mind, I can get it done. I think about the athletes who manage to do remarkable things with their bodies. I am training and conditioning to do something as remarkable with my mind. When I begin to resist myself and the things I need to take to achieve my goals, I get really raw with myself.

Things my inner coach says to get my A in gear:

If you do not do this right now, today when will it get done? What else do you have to do that is more important than realize the vision? Your feelings are not going to get it done; action and work is going to get it done!

The pain and the resistance means you are making progress!You are

almost there! Hold it, keep pushing forward just a little longer! Don't

give up!

You tired?! You haven't even made it to the board room! You don't even have a contract to negotiate! Get real and do something or stop lying to yourself.

How bad do you want it? What does your dream mean to you? Is it worth fighting for?

At the end of the day, achieving my goals Is my only real option. The other choice is to give up and die inside. As long as I am breathing, I will do something that will take me closer to my vision. It is that simple. I do not worry about what other people say or think. If they are not trying to help me, they get tuned out. I love what the comedian Katt Williams said about that situation. He said in the face of haters and dream destroyers to "tune in to your STAR PLAYER." My star player  is me. I am my greatest supporter and motivator. I will not say that I do not need anyone or need help because I certainly do. What I emphasize here is that the source of our success lies within us. We have to want it more than anyone wants it for us.

To draw another analogy: this process is like being a recovering failure. There may be times when we fall off of the wagon and take a hit of self-pity, but there is nothing nor anyone who can save us from the sickness but us.