FORGIVENESS

I took some time off, not from the vision, but the blog.  At first I beat myself up about it.  Then I realized that, although I deserved it, being hyper critical of myself in the situation was not going to illicit the kind of results I need right now.   The break was a necessary part of the process.  I struggle with the discipline of consistency. I forgive myself and move on, vowing to not repeat the cycle.

 

 

Some perceived setbacks are necessary incubating periods. Even to me that sounds like a crock of fooey.  As disappointing as it is to lose momentum and be inconsistent, there is only so much time I can spend beating myself up about it before I have to decide to move forward.  In the process, I chose to love myself through the experience.

 

 

With a military dad and a mother who had a military dad, the consequences of not meeting standards always involved a certain amount of yelling and punitive actions.  Throughout my adult life, I have played and replayed those admonishing voices in my head.  No one has ever been more critical of me than myself thanks to mom and dad.  However, I appreciate the distance it has brought me in life, but I recognize that this inner process is outmoded and needs to be adjusted.

 

That eight year-old in me, the one that works so hard to do things right and please those around me, needs to be motivated differently.  When I do not meet my expectations, I will encourage myself to stand up straight and try again.  I will smile at that little girl who bows her head in disappointment of failure and engulf her in love and acceptance.  Finally, what I have learned is that perfect execution is not necessarily the goal, it is the effort and the intention of NEVER bowing to defeat which is the ultimate achievement. Winning, being first, having success the way others experience it may not be my process.  I will keep trying in the way that I know how.  I am sure I will eventually make it to the model of success that is tailor-made for me.  I thought it would happen sooner in my life, yet I get the feeling that I am learning so much more from this journey that I have chosen.  My mantra is “As long as I’m living, I’m going to keep working toward the vision.”

I forgive myself for not working harder, for lying down in defeat, for feeling sorry for myself and for being lazy.  I do not excuse it. I recognize it and choose this moment to do something about it.  And so it is.

BALANCE

 

     Sometimes the greatest obstacle to our success may not be in our heads.  There are circumstances that we are unaware of at times that may contribute to the inertia in our lives.  The state or quality of balance is essential to our ability to move forward: balance of bio-chemicals, balance of emotions, balance of checkbook.

 

 

 

    For years I have dealt with anemia to one degree or another.  Anemia happens to be the imbalance or deficiency of iron from one’s system.  I was aware that anemia caused one to feel fatigued, but I never associated that condition with depression.  For months I have been struggling with trying to get things done in my life, but I just did not feel like it.  I have beat myself up mentally for not completing my projects on time, and I’ve harbored guilt about the physical feeling of not having energy.  I have been to the doctor, but never has my doctor advised me about or inquired about my mental/emotional well-being.

 

 

 

    Despite the oversight of my healthcare provider, I am taking action in creating more balance in my life.  The daily dose of iron has done wonders.  Once I complete a detox, I will be restored to my former greatness.  Exercise and diet, of course, are essential to daily emotional wellness.  There are holistic ways of coping with depression that do not require mood altering drugs.  Meditation is also a practice that can help create balance and peace in our lives.  If you feel stuck in your life and you know you have, and are willing, to do the work then there is a possibility that there is a health issue that needs to be addressed.

WHAT SUCCESS FEELS LIKE

By Niki Billingslea

    This is one of those articles I have to write in the dark.  I do not yet consider myself successful, so I do not embody that quality in that sense.  What I will focus on is the feeling of success because what I have read and what I have been taught by my spiritual teachers is that being able to feel like I have already arrived is what ushers me into the state of having it.  How do you feel like you have something or have accomplished something that you have not yet done?

    A very important component to the process that I have chosen is practice.  The practice that each person adopts may vary.  My practice is deeply grounded in my daily meditation and prayer.  Writing down ideas is vital and so is the visualization, but none of that is possible without clearing the mind and creating the mental space for the ideas to come through.  So, when I want to experience the feeling of success, I make space for the experience.  I clear my area, my mind and my heart to be taken over by the feeling of success.

    I have had a few victories in my life, so as I focus on the success I see myself achieving I call on those feelings at those times.  Also, as I see myself in that moment of accomplishment and achievement, I experience sensations that I begin to associate with the level of success I would like to embody.  The sensations I feel are satisfaction: to at last arrive at a destination I projected for myself (by no means the end).  A sense of power engulfs me: I feel as if I have been carried this distance and through so much by sheer will--mine and my ancestors.  Another state I experience is that of gratitude.  In the past I have never associated gratitude with my feelings of victory.  However, when I see myself in the field of accomplishment that I desire, I have an immense wave of gratitude wash through me at the realization of the sacrifices, the growth, the support, and profound change that makes this success possible.  I am thankful to the spirit of God for making this possible.

    I feel it.  I even see it.  So, it has to be true.  Right?  To be honest, I have tried on several occasions to do things my way.  My way elicits temporary, and sometimes unsatisfactory, results.  I have ceased trying to be the contractor of my life.  I am now an architect and designer who consults with a higher source who is both developer and contractor.  Spirit makes it possible for me to design and it takes care of the details that I am not equipped to take care of.  There is a time frame I have in mind, but God has a different schedule.  What do I do?  Practice. I continue to focus on the plan, the feeling, and preparation.

See it.  Then feel it.

 

TALKING VS. DOING

By Niki Billingslea

  I have a confession.  I have become very good at talking the talk of success so much so that I often believe my own hype.  The one thing that I cannot hide from is the fact that I have little to show for years of talk.  This is where faking it til you make it becomes a crutch.

Yes, I have had triumphs and I have certainly experienced flat out failure.  Decisively, I took lessons from all of those experiences and I am here.  HERE is the crossroads of Keep-Talking-Cause-You’re-Good-At-It Avenue and Demonstrate-What-You-Say-You-Know Boulevard.  The Avenue is stagnation and, quite frankly, I’m tired of hearing myself talking.  The Boulevard looks daunting, but it promises to be an exhilarating experience.

How do I get from talk to action?  I’m sure the achievers who read this are saying, “Duh! Make a plan. Know what you want to do.  Go deeper into your practice...blah, blah, blah.”  Instead of joining the chorus of the self-righteous, I will reach out with the compassion that seldom is extended to those who are trying to find the way.

You can adopt any system, any method and make it work for you.  There are people who will swear the only way to reach your goals is to do as they were taught or learned.  The secret is no secret.  It is the only thing standing between thought and action...the movement.  When we stop thinking, we have to do something.  That something has to be in the direction of the goal we are working toward.

I know this, right?  Why am I still in a mental space of grappling with it?  Thought.  I daresay any thought held for too long that is not followed by action is a limiting thought.  I affirm, I speak into existence, I visualize. People who are paralyzed by fear, limiting thoughts, or any other thought-forms that sabotage just have to decide to lay that baggage down and go. Like this article, it became a tangible thing only after I stopped thinking about it and began typing.  That is the challenge I work daily to overcome: turn off the mind and DO.