NORMAL. WHAT’S THAT?

Normal is not being the same.  Normal is not making everyone else feel unthreatened around you.  Normal is not withholding the truth in a room full of lies.  Normal is your individual state of balance and peace.  It is being who you were born to be--perfect and whole.

I have experienced the pressure to be normal.  Children and adults alike in my life have urged me not to be me but to align my actions with the actions of others.  If I were putting myself or others in danger that would make sense, but my words and actions were simply different and disruptive to the deafening silence of normality.

The desire to be normal may be a result of not wanting to stand out, the desire to fit in, or the need to feel included.  Human behavior and healthy emotional development dictates that we socialize with others.  The need to be loved and accepted cannot take priority over accepting and loving oneself.  But that is hard to do if parents or family members make it their business to normalize creative spirits before these unique beings have a chance to blossom.

Sometimes we are born into families and communities that do not welcome individuals who stand out and shine brighter than the rest.  It’s funny how people love exceptional humans who make it in the world, but will often be guilty of tearing down the ones in their very own families.  What we sometimes forget is that normal is not special.  Normal does not change the world.  If we want to evolve, we have to allow the weird ones to be weird.  The more we love them, the more they flourish and create.

If the weird ones survive childhood and adolescence, they should fiercely defend their weirdness and not be sidetracked by pleasing normal people.  Some people are uncomfortable when confronted with anything different and will defend the banality of their existence instead of embracing growth and change.  That is their problem and their plight which the weird ones should not have to suffer under.

Every human being should be free to be the unique presence he or she was born as. Being what feels good is all the normal a person should need to be. I encourage the unique ones to remain focused when criticized and recognize that the critics are simply voicing their discomfort at not feeling free to be themselves.

The only acceptance anyone need is that of self.

BE YOUR OWN LIFE COACH

When the new year begins, I'm so excited about the goals I set and the possibilities I see in my mind's eye. During a good year, I don't hit the blahs until around May/June. This year caught me struggling to remain positive about the struggle as soon as February.

 

Resolution Revolution SNL Skit

Think about it. What is it that is really keeping us from accomplishing our goals? Short of someone physically preventing us from moving forward, there is NOTHING stopping us from doing what we want with our lives.

No money? Find a way to make it.

No resources? Ask someone or seek out the people who can point in the right direction.

No education? Go to the library.

No clue? Ask somebody.

No energy? Eat right.

Bad health? As long as there is life, there is another opportunity to share the thought so that something can be done with it.

I can go on, but I will not.

For every excuse there is a solution. At the end of the day, our thoughts and our feelings about our situation provide the obstacles. Please accept this: WE ARE WHERE WE ARE RIGHT NOW BECAUSE WE ALLOW OUR THOUGHTS OR OUR FEELINGS TO PUT US HERE. Consider this scenario: I woke up this morning and when I thought about all of the things I need to do and the the problems I have to address, I felt defeated. I was tired even before I got out of bed. I asked myself "what is the point?" My grandfather asked me what am I going to do, my checking account is close to $0 and none of the employers I reached out to have responded. All day I thought about it and tried to figure out what to do. I got on the phone and talked about it to my friend who was having similar challenges. By the time I put my son to bed, I was mentally and physically exhausted but had done very little.

The problem with the above scenario is that there was no mention of waking up with a sense of gratitude for having another opportunity to get it right, despite what might have happened the day before. I spent too much time focused on problems and not solutions. To my detriment, turned to someone who got down in my hole of self-pity with me instead of helping me out. Finally, there was far too much thinking and not enough action. Even if the only thing I did was meditate, that would have cleared my mind-space for more positive thought.

Quite often we shut ourselves out from the game before we even get into the arena. Imagine for a moment, we are standing on the corner down the street thinking about the problems, the visions, the goals and the obstacles. We haven't even arrived at the gate! Is it acceptable to dwell on the thoughts "I'm depressed," "I'm overwhelmed," "I can't do it"? No! I have learned how to coach myself. We have to coach ourselves.  I’m not talking about the nice life coach that costs a million dollars a session; I’m talking about the loud coach with the whistle and spittle.  Get in your own face.

I think to myself. If I am not physically impaired, if no one is holding me down, if I have the use of my mind, I can get it done. I think about the athletes who manage to do remarkable things with their bodies. I am training and conditioning to do something as remarkable with my mind. When I begin to resist myself and the things I need to take to achieve my goals, I get really raw with myself.

Things my inner coach says to get my A in gear:

If you do not do this right now, today when will it get done? What else do you have to do that is more important than realize the vision? Your feelings are not going to get it done; action and work is going to get it done!

The pain and the resistance means you are making progress!You are

almost there! Hold it, keep pushing forward just a little longer! Don't

give up!

You tired?! You haven't even made it to the board room! You don't even have a contract to negotiate! Get real and do something or stop lying to yourself.

How bad do you want it? What does your dream mean to you? Is it worth fighting for?

At the end of the day, achieving my goals Is my only real option. The other choice is to give up and die inside. As long as I am breathing, I will do something that will take me closer to my vision. It is that simple. I do not worry about what other people say or think. If they are not trying to help me, they get tuned out. I love what the comedian Katt Williams said about that situation. He said in the face of haters and dream destroyers to "tune in to your STAR PLAYER." My star player  is me. I am my greatest supporter and motivator. I will not say that I do not need anyone or need help because I certainly do. What I emphasize here is that the source of our success lies within us. We have to want it more than anyone wants it for us.

To draw another analogy: this process is like being a recovering failure. There may be times when we fall off of the wagon and take a hit of self-pity, but there is nothing nor anyone who can save us from the sickness but us.

 

PLACES TO WRITE IN LA

    Now that I am not living in a home I own, I find that  workspace is a premium.  If you are in Los Angeles and you want a virtual office or a place to work that inspires creativity, I have compiled a list of some of my favorite places to write, grade papers, and get work done.  

    Feel free to comment and add other productive spots around town.

SIMPLY WHOLESOME

MCKAYS BAR & LOUNGE

3540 S Figueroa St, Los Angeles, CA 90007

LIBRARIES LAPL.ORG

CEMETERIES

MUSEUMS

SELF-REALIZATION PARK

BEACH (IN YOUR CAR)

PARKS

KOREAN SPA

ACKI BAMBOO

No Man or Woman is an Island

By Niki Billingslea 

The process I have committed to and journey I find myself on has not been easy.  At first I berated the fact that the challenges seemed unnecessarily so.  Somewhere along the line, I realized that the challenges and painful moments always resulted in a polish and refinement in my persona that I had not been able to foresee in my haste to live in peaceful serenity.  For me, having a child taught me how to rely on others and appreciate giving up control of every aspect of life around me.

When I began the MasterMind process, I was hesitant and excited to work with others on my goals.  It took some time for me to relax into sharing my hopes and dreams with someone, and to reveal my weaknesses and struggles as well.  In this experience of having a partner and someone I am accountable to, I have learned that I have much more determination and focus than I initially thought of myself.

Why You Need An Accountability Partner

I also learned the value of an accountability partner on several levels.  It was a surprise to me that I felt a responsibility to my partner to be positive and prepared at all times.  In my past interactions with people, I would make every effort to prove how much I actually did not care. I came to have a deep respect for my partner’s time, her rate of progress and her dedication to our meetings.  There were times when I tried harder to keep up with my requests, affirmations and weekly goals so that she would know how much I appreciate our work.  When I could not find the motivation to do it for myself, I would work hard to accomplish my goals for my partner so that I would have something to share with her.

I pushed myself harder and more than I felt like doing because I hoped that when I hit a wall, she would be there and be able to balance me out.  Before this experience, I did not know I had that kind of dedication to another person.  I appreciate my partner for being there and being patient as both of us navigated the ebbs and flows of our processes.  The realization that it can be a good thing to not feel super at the same time was a burden off of me.  I would rather be unsynchronized in that way because there are few things worse than two people in a negative space at the same time.  As a partner, I learned to look forward to my partner’s upswing because it usually occurs at a time I need that energy.  When I am up, she accepts my rays of sunshine.

The Value of Accountability for Achieving Your Goals

Having a partner is not always easy, not for the reasons aforementioned but, because at some point an accountability partner has to deliver the truth. As much as I would like to think I am doing everything I can do and accomplish all that I need to accomplish, I know that I have presented dozens of beautifully illustrated excuses to justify my laziness.  God bless my partner for listening, but when it is time to call it like it is, she very politely presents the truth to me.  That is what true accountability is: speaking the truth when another person is tap dancing around it.  The responsibility of the receiver is to accept the insight and not resist it.  The ego is an extraordinary thing; it will have you believing you can fly and in the midst of falling fast to earth convince you to refuse a parachute.  I have learned to be open and receptive to truth even when my ego does not like it.

Three Tips For Accountability Partners

In the end, a partner becomes the person that can celebrate in the truest form because she has been there the entire way.  Witnessing the growth of another person from her lowest points to her highest is inspiring beyond all words and humbling to have a profound understanding of the sacrifice and courage it took to make it.  My desire is to see more of this in my community.  I do not see enough women supporting each other to the degree that I have experienced in this process.  I do not see enough people supporting their personal dreams, let alone supporting someone else’s.  Perhaps if we can be there for someone else, we can learn to be there for ourselves.  

TALKING VS. DOING

By Niki Billingslea

  I have a confession.  I have become very good at talking the talk of success so much so that I often believe my own hype.  The one thing that I cannot hide from is the fact that I have little to show for years of talk.  This is where faking it til you make it becomes a crutch.

Yes, I have had triumphs and I have certainly experienced flat out failure.  Decisively, I took lessons from all of those experiences and I am here.  HERE is the crossroads of Keep-Talking-Cause-You’re-Good-At-It Avenue and Demonstrate-What-You-Say-You-Know Boulevard.  The Avenue is stagnation and, quite frankly, I’m tired of hearing myself talking.  The Boulevard looks daunting, but it promises to be an exhilarating experience.

How do I get from talk to action?  I’m sure the achievers who read this are saying, “Duh! Make a plan. Know what you want to do.  Go deeper into your practice...blah, blah, blah.”  Instead of joining the chorus of the self-righteous, I will reach out with the compassion that seldom is extended to those who are trying to find the way.

You can adopt any system, any method and make it work for you.  There are people who will swear the only way to reach your goals is to do as they were taught or learned.  The secret is no secret.  It is the only thing standing between thought and action...the movement.  When we stop thinking, we have to do something.  That something has to be in the direction of the goal we are working toward.

I know this, right?  Why am I still in a mental space of grappling with it?  Thought.  I daresay any thought held for too long that is not followed by action is a limiting thought.  I affirm, I speak into existence, I visualize. People who are paralyzed by fear, limiting thoughts, or any other thought-forms that sabotage just have to decide to lay that baggage down and go. Like this article, it became a tangible thing only after I stopped thinking about it and began typing.  That is the challenge I work daily to overcome: turn off the mind and DO.