This past week presented me the opportunity to share in the transformational experiences of sisters in my community. It has been in the forefront of my consciousness that there are numbers of people who are hurting, yet our society encourages us to present our strong and happy fronts at all times. Even the articles in this blog focus primarily on staying connected with the power within us. Truth be told, we never know the true power until we allow ourselves to be weak.
I am glad and proud that these women were brave enough to be vulnerable, to bare their souls so that they may begin to heal. Everyone has a story and a struggle. Not to diminish anyone’s experience, but no matter how rich, poor, aesthetically ideal or not, the challenges we face are relative to our threshold for growth and the accompanying discomfort.
Before I became a fierce warrior woman, I routinely fought depression. My childhood left scars that I did not know how to begin to heal for the longest. By sheer will fueled with anger, I managed to accomplish far more than anyone thought I could. When the anger no longer became useful, I participated in psychological counseling.
Thankfully, my mother was available to facilitate my healing. On several occasions, she would help me remember the details of my childhood that I had blocked out. She was there to apologize and make me look at the rage eye to eye. My dad too has been open and useful in walking with me down that emotional path I reluctantly go. I realize that everyone does not get blessed with parents who make themselves available to that healing process and atone for the contributions they make.
What I have learned is that healing begins with forgiveness. It did not take me long to realize that I am forgiving myself for holding on to people, thoughts, and emotions that do not serve me. No matter how wrong my parents were, they were entirely at liberty to extend to me an apology, or not. I was freed from a mental prison when I released them. I came to the understanding that they did the best they could under the circumstances. They were growing up too and made quite a few mistakes, but their intentions were honorable. From that experience, I become a stronger more resilient young woman.
Consider for a moment, before this modern era and industrialization, people relied on healers, ritual, and family to heal their feelings or emotions. There was far more touching in the form of laying on of hands, hugging, holding hands and such. People did rituals that brought together the unseen to influence the seen world in a way that made sense to them. More often than not, there was always someone around: family members in multigenerational households, friends and community. This new world made us fiercely independent and often alienated from ourselves. These days we rely on psychologists, psychiatrists, counselors, and life coaches to connect us to the answers that lie within us. Interestingly enough, our modern support systems all come at a monetary cost. Few people trust their families or friends. The courts are filled with families who fight bitterly.
My heart goes out to those individuals who find themselves locked into a personal hell of their past. From my vantage point all they have to do is let go. I let go and stopped regretting a past I did not have control over. I let go of feelings about situations that I could not logically take responsibility for. I let go of thoughts, reactions, and emotions that did not match my current living situation. It is easier said than done. It takes practice, it takes bravery and it takes strength.
Guess what? Many people have had truly traumatic experiences and have found a way to grow and excel beyond the expectations of the people and environments who limited them. I used to think about the ancestors whose lives were not their own, who suffered at the whims of people who tried to rob them of their humanity. I think of the ways they triumphed despite the daily attack on their spirit and psyche that told them they were nothing and would remain nothing. Those ancestors somehow reared generations of people who became leaders, innovators, visionaries and catalysts of change around the world.
I figured, if Harriet Tubman and Frederick Douglass had the spirit to overcome physical and mental obstacles, I could accomplish some of the same with more resources.
