Problem? What Problem?

     The wonderful thing about aging is the discovery that there are infinite opportunities to learn and grow.  My latest epiphany was the realization that the only problems that exist are the problems I perceive in my mind.  I was going to an event and I knew that I was going to see an individual there. In my mind, I created an entire scenario and became agitated at the thought of attending the event. Luckily, I stopped myself before I went in and I determined to keep an open mind. Once inside the event, I inevitably ran into the person I dreaded seeing, and that person was who he always is. The difference was that I chose not to accept it as a problem. It did not affect me because I did not allow it to. As simple as that.

     Have you ever tried to disappoint yourself before anybody else could? Sure you have. Whenever you predict that someone will turn you down or reject you, you just did it for yourself before anybody else could.  People who are used to disappointment often hurt themselves before others can or they prepare themselves for disappointment before encounters to alleviate the hurt they believe they will experience.  I became aware of this and the affect of this self-sabotaging habit on my relationships.  I have to be aware of my thoughts and stop myself when I begin to prepare for imagined disappointment.

     To overcome this habit, I also have to re-live unpleasant memories of the times I have been profoundly hurt and disappointed. I remember and observe the child I was and understand the incident as an adult. I work through it for as long and as many times as I have to so that the pain is appropriately placed, in the past. When I was a toddler, I remember how my mom would get dressed to go out. It was so exciting to see her look so glamorous, but that heart-wrenching feeling of sadness as she walked out the door broke my heart. I always felt left behind and rejected. All my life I carried the dread of people leaving me behind. I began leaving people before they could leave me. I would go to events and leave early every time. When I go to church, I leave early. Friends never have to tell me to leave because I am out before we even get comfortable. I am so good at leaving relationships that I call myself an escape artist. Not funny at all.

     How do I change this habit? How do I release myself from this prison? I train my mind to see solutions, not problems. I approach life as if every situation will work out in my favor...even after someone says no...even after it does not have the result I imagined. What I have come to appreciate is that when a situation appears one way, it is actually unfolding beyond my control to result in a greater blessing and a divine circumstance than I could have ever created on my own.

     We experience disappointment and hurt feelings when we hold on to our thoughts of how things should be.  We cannot get stuck on the way we think it should be; we have to let go and work with the way things are. If the way things are does not serve us, we do not have to entertain it.  We do not have to accept another person's negativity.  All we can do is acknowledge the issue and focus on solutions. That is the key. The current state of being may not be our ideal but the only way out is to keep our minds focused and engaged in the answer to the issue. It is not a problem until our minds identify the experience as such.